Babies thrive on touch. As they grow to imitate the actions and emotions they witness from their parents, they will learn to use touch to express comfort and affection. This innocent gesture becomes a controversy when Mother's breasts are involved.

The relationship between mother and child begins long before they actually meet face-to-face. According to Breastfeed.com Expert Advisor Melissa Clark Vickers, IBCLC, "For the first nine months of a baby's life, he is in complete contact with Mom. He is fed, protected, soothed to sleep and loved, all without having to ask for a single thing. This is his world. He knows nothing of open spaces: be it crib or castle. At birth, he finds himself forced into what must be a bewildering world, where space to move about is the norm. His connection to Mom is gone and his needs are not automatically taken care of. Breastfeeding -- especially the touch connected with breastfeeding -- reestablishes that connection to Mom."

Touching Base
When coming into the world, we are not equipped with the knowledge of "right and wrong." Acceptable acts are not learned until much later. According to Vickers, when something is said to be wrong, it may simply be misunderstood. "Babies are not born with the social mores that define which body parts are 'okay' to touch and which are not," she says. "Touching the breast is the same as touching a nose, arm or belly button. And yet, there is an important difference. That breast is the source of food and comfort -- proof to the bewildered newborn that Mom is still there for him. So in that sense, patting the breast is a little like patting a beloved pet! Some babies naturally 'knead' the breast -- much as newborn kittens will do to mama cat. In addition to a comforting touch, this may very well stimulate the milk flow."

Eliza Feree, of Yuma, Ariz., has experienced this with her daughter. "I don't recall when it first started happening but I know that my daughter still kneads my breast while she eats. I have tried stopping her on different occasions but this only distracts her and makes her upset. Then I remember that's what kittens do with their mother, and it is to get the milk out. I don't know if this helps her, but maybe she thinks it does," Feree says.

A Matter of Acceptance
Breast touching is an act that is often defined by both society's acceptance and mother's acceptance. "We as a society are not comfortable seeing a breast touched in public by anyone and have turned innocent breast touching by a young child into something incestuous. In addition, Mom's comfort level would need to prevail here," Vickers says. No outsider can determine whether or not breast touching between you and your child is acceptable.

Drue Ann Hargis-Ramirez, of Pomona, Calif., established boundaries early on with her two breastfed sons. "Neither are -- or were -- allowed to touch my breasts in public, only in the privacy of our home. I don't consider it appropriate in public, and they've picked up on that and accepted it."

Addressing the Issue
Due to society's view on breast touching, mothers often feel that they must keep their children from touching their breasts. "If Mom keeps in mind that her baby is touching her breast to stay in contact with an important part of his world, then she can approach this issue calmly and lovingly," Vickers says. "Gently moving a hand or holding the hand -- especially in the case of twiddling -- still provides the contact that baby is seeking, but also teaches him, by example, that there are other ways to get the comfort."

Hargis-Ramirez exclusively breastfed her sons for the first five months. Her second son still nurses during sicknesses, at night and in the mornings. "He gets mad if I don't let him touch the free [breast] while he nurses on the other. I am comfortable with him considering my breasts his own. Once he is weaned, they will be off limits, returning to being Mommy's breasts. They will become a sexual part of me again when he is weaned," she explains.

Expanding the Touch
Parents need to teach children other ways to communicate affection through touch. Teaching this skill depends upon the child and will determine their need and want for touch in the future. "Children grow into independence at their own rate, and it will vary considerably from child to child," Vickers says. "Children who are raised in a secure environment can be taught to touch Mom in other ways than on the breast. And if we as mothers are lucky, they never outgrow the need to check in with Mom for a hug, pat on the back or kiss on the cheek."

Touch is normal. Humans express themselves through touch. It is up to parents to ensure this response is kept pure and innocent. "Don't turn a non-issue into an issue," Vickers warns. "Understand why baby wants to touch you and gently teach him ways to connect with you that fit within your comfort levels. Don't allow society to turn something that is totally innocent into something that is 'dirty' and shameful. Touch is beautiful!"

About the Author: Carma Haley Shoemaker is a nurse and iParenting senior contributing writer living in Virginia with her husband, three sons and their collection of pets.